Worst play of all time?

I was going over some hands in Poker Tracker recently and I came across a hand that could possibly be the worst played hand I have ever seen. Fortunately, it wasn’t me! I remember at the time that my opponent played it badly, but having had time to reflect I have decided that the mind-numbing incompetence of the player in question is worthy of highlighting in particular.

This took place in a Bwin freeroll (which you would think excuses idiot plays, but in this specific instance it only makes it worse).

Here is the hand history, I have changed the user’s name to DONK to avoid any confusion:

Seat 1: Klik4 (1500)
Seat 2: fcvs_4ever (1490)
Seat 3: Mace_Kyle (1480)
Seat 4: Nibnobbly (1500)
Seat 5: AnutaGabriel (1500)
Seat 6: djcelas (1550)
Seat 7: _PokerGodXXX (1500)
Seat 8: bazsakun69 (1500)
Seat 9: xaris23_x (1480)
Seat 10: DONK (1500)
Mace_Kyle posts small blind (10)
Nibnobbly posts big blind (20)
—
Dealing pocket cards
Dealing to Nibnobbly: [Jh, 5c]
AnutaGabriel folds
djcelas folds
_PokerGodXXX folds
bazsakun69 folds
xaris23_x calls 20
DONK calls 20
Klik4 folds
fcvs_4ever folds
Mace_Kyle folds
Nibnobbly checks
— Dealing flop [Qs, 9d, 5s]
Nibnobbly checks
xaris23_x checks
DONK bets 20
Nibnobbly calls 20
xaris23_x calls 20
— Dealing turn [5d]
Nibnobbly checks
xaris23_x checks
DONK checks
— Dealing river [7h]
Nibnobbly bets 80
xaris23_x folds
DONK calls 80
—
Summary:
Main pot: 290 won by DONK (290)
Rake taken: $0
Seat 4: Nibnobbly (1380), net: -120, [Jh, 5c] (THREE_OF_A_KIND FIVE)
Seat 10: DONK (1670), net: +170, [Qh, Qc] (FULL_HOUSE QUEEN, FIVE)!!!

***** End of hand T5-157292266-2 *****

Now, I’m not usually one to criticise other people’s play (their loss is my gain), but this is a truly astounding example of how to brutally mess up in every stage of a poker hand.

Let’s summarise

1/ He flat calls in middle position with pocket queens when the blinds are miniscule, encouraging pretty much any hand to limp in and catch a flop (shockingly everyone folds, even the small blind who is getting 7:1 on his money, which is pretty much a call with any two cards, but one fool at a time)

2/ He flops top set and minimum bets. This not only gives anyone with a draw the chance to suck out, it isn’t exactly massaging the pot, which is already looking downright anaemic because of his limp preflop

3/ When he hits his absolute monster, he checks again. Good stuff, keep that pot nice and small. Just what you want when you have an essentially unbeatable hand. Not to mention dishing out a free river for anyone who might be willing to pay for a draw

4/ After I hit my trip 5s, I’m keen to put in a small bet on the river (I’ve put him on a missed flush draw, but either player could have a pair they might call with). And this is where he manages to transcend poor play and reach a level of utter stupidity that I had to look on Thesaurus.com for an adequate synonym for ‘idiot’. I finally decided on ‘cretin’. He flat called my raise on the river with the second nuts! The only hand that was beating him was pocket fives for quads.

Now, I should probably note that I don’t necessarily disagree with some of his plays in isolation. Slow-playing top set/a boat isn’t a bad play on its own, but when you combine it with the other horrific plays in the hand, it only emphasises his cluelessness.

In a freeroll this is even more unforgiveable as he’s not risking any actual money by re-raising me with his nut boat (however, a flat call would be a ludicrous play in this situation regardless of the buy-in/risk).

I was just happy to escape with minimal losses, but I think this example definitely highlights the difficulty that can be encountered when trying to win freerolls. It is almost impossible to put people on hands because nothing they do makes sense.

Oh well, I can only hope that a solid and persistent style can continue to edge me ahead in these micro and low-stakes tournaments until I reach a level where decent play has a real effect.